time is going by really fast. don't you wish you can stop time? stop for a moment and cherish it? to bad we can't. but, i wish we can. i keep thinking way to much about the future. and i don't want to right now. i want to think about whats in front of me right now, and whats around me. i need to focus on the important things like school and stuff. because, i think about other things that aren't worth thinking about so much, that i'm slipping away from whats important right now like my school work and etc. i really need to get my grades up. i mean, so far they are really good except for one class. i have 6 weeks to bring it up. wish me luck guys. i need a lot of it~

there is so many things affecting right now, i don't know how to deal with it. i mean, it may look like i'm really happy and cheery in person, but really deep inside i'm living in hell. people are all like "look at the bright side." what bright side? its darkness all around me. i know there are far worst people that having a hard time then me out there. and i know that i have it better then them. but, there are people who have it better then me, so what do they know how i feel. they haven't been in the situation i have been in. so they can't technically say that "don't worry, it will be okay.", "maybe its for the better.", "eventually everything will get better.", "you will forget about it soon, it takes time." or something like to "try" to make me think of it as a positive situation instead of of a negative one. but, i appreciate them trying to make me feel better, and i love them for that. but, im sorry, im pretty sure it is not going to get better anytime soon. they make it seem like its so easy. but its hard.

i am not going to tell you ever little thing that has happened in my life, so you can feel sorry for me. because, i don't want the attention, and i don't want any one to feel sorry for me. i mean its nice to have someone there for me, and to care for me. but i shouldn't open up to people so easily. because, i learned my lesson from that. i mean, if you want to know... sure, okay, i will tell you. but, just don't feel sorry for me. as many of you see, i am labeled as the nice girl, sweet, charming, friendly, kind, sensitive... someone you call your best friend. so many people will take advantage of me because, they know i won't talk back to them nor will i do anything if they say shit or do shit. maybe its because i don't want to lose them, and be come a loner. i know that i vent a lot to certain people, its because i trust them with my life. because, i gained it and i want to keep it for a life time. i don't technically use to have best friends, until i met met these lovely ladies that changed my life. i can't live a day without talking to them. and i am hoping to keep their friendship for a life time. sometimes i feel like what i say, makes people feel like i want attention. but, seriously i don't. i mean i tend to vent a lot. because if i keep it inside of me to long, i will blow up. i use to bottle up my feelings, and i use to have major break downs. it seems like no one understood how i felt, and what i was going through. they would just walk away from me nor talk to me or say anything to me, just only feel sorry for me. when i met vicky and my, they help me a lot. they made me feel better because they knew the right things to say, even thought they never been in the situation, and they wouldn't walk away from me, they would stay there and hug me until i stop crying. but now that we don't live close to each other anymore, and since they are always busy with work or school, i have no one... i have roise, vancy, and yoly, i talk to them every single day, we text, we chat. i just really wish we all lived close together. they are my true friend that i love.

okay, anyways... so let me tell you about my day, because all what i just earlier is making me depress. i turned in all my missing work that my teacher lost in chemistry. my grade didn't change all that much. im guessing its because of my testes and quizzes that is making me have a bad grade. english we had testing, and i took a test on the book i finished last night and it raised my grade up one! i was happy. lunch, trent kept talking about prom, what to wear, what to do after. we are going to eat after of course and they want to go too my house after. they were saying lets get drunk! wow~ bad kids ^^ hahaha. if you provide the drinks, that we are good to go [; hahaha just kidding. my parents will kill us, seriously. unless if they don't find it [: haha just kidding. but yeah. in math, we just did our work. kind of confused of what we are learning. but its okay. i will just look over it again later when i do my homework haha. after school i just feel asleep when i was reading. but, i will probably go to sleep soon. since rosie, yoly, and vancy went to sleep. well i should send here. bye bye.


"if loving you is wrong, then i don't want to be right."